Saturday, April 25, 2009

Introspection


As usually happens when I hear about the death of a friend or acquaintance, especially one who is younger than me, I wonder about my own mortality. Today is a bit different though. This morning while driving, I got a call from a friend who has been battling cancer for the second time. It's been awhile since she called me, usually I call her, so I was happy to see her name on the phone. However, there was a bad connection, and after saying her name a few times and hearing what seemed to be a radio in the background, I hung up. I thought she might have bumped the phone and it dialed my number without her knowing, or it could have been just bad cell reception, so I called her back. Her husband answered the phone and I asked if my friend had called, and he said, no, that he had called me. The tears came immediately, and I just moaned "oh no" fearing the worst. He was calling her friends to tell them the end was near, and as he explained, I cried, he cried, and we mourned together for a few minutes.

Living with ourselves as we do every day, I don't think anyone really knows how others view us. I know I don't, and I don't think this friend does either. I don't think she knows that I would like to be more like her. Since I have known her, she has always put God and her family first both in thought and action. She is fun to talk to, has a great sense of humor, and I know she keeps my secrets, what few I have told her. During her first bout with cancer, she was so upbeat and optimistic that everyone around her just had to be also. She had a joke to go with every unpleasant procedure she had to endure, and I'm sure she kept the nurses in stitches too. She would probably call that payback.

When I look at my life, and all the things I am doing now that seem so worthwhile, I wonder how important they really are. Will they even matter to anyone after I am gone? How would my time be better spent?

Above is a quilt I made and friends from the Frugalista Files wrote messages and signed the border.

Marti

No comments: