Thursday, April 21, 2011

Resist the Urge

This is my public service post of the year. I wanted to get a celebrity to do it, but none returned my emails; I can't imagine why not.

This may sound like a top ten list, but I didn't put that much thought into it. These are just things that popped into my mind this week, and in no particular order.

1) When driving down the road with a dirty windshield in a light drizzle, DO NOT turn on the windshield wipers if you are not 100% sure you have fluid in the reservoir. You might think the windshield is wet enough to wipe off the dirt, but trust me, you do not, and the resulting dirty smear will be worse than trying to see through a million little droplets on the windshield. The life you save may be mine.

2) If you are wearing a white shirt, DO NOT order a hamburger with mustard at the drive-thru. Those little pieces of mustard-covered lettuce WILL fall on you no matter how hard you try to hold the bun together.

3) Again with the white shirt. If you order tea (or any dark iced beverage) and it does not come with a straw, DO NOT try to drink the last bit. The ice WILL stick to the bottom until you have the glass tilted up, and then it will come crashing down against your face, splashing tea (or the other dark beverage) onto your shirt.

4) DO NOT touch up your hair color yourself the night before a big event, like a wedding, or Easter. There isn't enough time to buy a wig or a hat if you turn your hair green. You can wash your hair ten times and the green still won't come out.

5) Do NOT get a hair cut in a new style before a big event. If you don't like it, there's not much you can do about it. You'll know it's bad if the photographer asks you to stand at the end, and when the pictures are printed, you aren't even in them.

6) If you are standing in front of the mirror wondering if anyone else can tell your pants are too tight, DO NOT wear them. The answer is YES. If you can tell, so can everyone else.

7) DO NOT drink a glass of water before going on a long walk. You don't want to be thirty minutes from home, on foot, and in a desperate situation. Better to walk up and down your block and have your neighbors think you are stalking them.

I hope you can learn from my mistakes my observations. And tips for those who don't listen. Wet wipes will remove tea from a white shirt but you will have a big wet spot on your shirt for awhile, Prell shampoo will eventually strip the green from your hair, and T.J. Maxx has some lovely hats right now.

Happy Easter, y'all! I'll be the one in the big hat.

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2 comments:

Grandma K said...

How did you get my list of ten!!! Thanks for the laugh.

Happy, blessed Easter to you and yours.

JT said...

So funny and so true!