Sunday, March 10, 2013

Hubby Thinks I'm a Grouch

Actually, he thinks I'm too negative. I think it hit him when I yelled at the new computer for the tenth time, or the two thousand and tenth time. However, when I pointed out his negative moments, he reluctantly admitted being a fellow naysayer, and then we agreed that we're both too negative. So we've spent the weekend trying to be less negative. It's hard. There's a fine line between pointing out a negative fact and being negative. It doesn't help that negative comments are much funnier.

Saturday, we went to The Woodworking Show at the Fort Worth Convention Center so we had a lot of together time. And a lot of time to point out the other's negative remarks - in a teasing way of course. The show was a big disappointment and the weather was not cooperating, so we had a lot of opportunities to avoid being negative. And we slipped up a lot too. By the end of the day, we were both doing much better at curbing our tongues. Today, we've spent time working apart, so we haven't been talking to each other (or to ourselves) very much.

Now the hard part - being positive. I'm reminded of the list of positive sayings we had on the fridge when the kids were young. Things like "way to go", "you're the best", "keep up the good work". It also reminds me that I am more positive with the cat in his carrier training than I am with Hubby or others. I tell Buddy "good boy" with a scratch behind the ears at least twice a day but I can't remember the last time I scratched Hubby behind the ears. (That was a joke.) What I mean is that I haven't been an encouragement Hubby or he an encouragement to me.

So here is a new beginning, and I'm going to start by telling all of you, and my family who is reading, that I value your support and think you're the best.



Lena said...

Trying to stay positive is a great goal! I'm working on it too :)

thea said...

That's a great goal! Way to go!

libbyquilter said...

it's interesting to read this post as i've recently read some information about how the brain works in relation to positive and negative thoughts and how long we 'hang on' to them. it turns out that studies are revealing that our brains actually do notice and hang on to negativity longer because at one time in (the not so distant) human history we needed to remember those things that were a threat to us as a matter of survival. it was described as sort of a velcro effect with negative thoughts within our brains and a teflon effect with our postive thoughts. there is some research that shows that we can change this (to some extent) by noticing when we are having a particularly positive or happy moment and taking a second or two to actually feel the good effect of it such as changes in our mood or in our bodies muscle tensions. the more this is done the more the brain will begin to notice the postive in a different and longer lasting way.
so lately my husband and i will ask each other what happened during our day that we took a moment to 'make stick' (like velcro). it's been interesting and it definately gives us something to discuss about our day from the perspective of postivity rather than negativity.

let me take the opportunity to say that i value you as well and thank you for your comment on my last blog post.


FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Way to go Marti and Hubby ~ Being negative is a detriment to our health and well being in all areas of our lives. Encouraging one another goes a long way in making a relationship work better. It isn't easy sometimes, but it is a worthwhile endeavor. We are happier for it.

When your loved one is taken out of this life, there is no more conversation with them, no more opportunities to love, encourage, uplift them, so do so while you can, you will not regret it.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Debbie @ MeandMyDIY said...

Good for you Marti! I don't know why it's always so much easier to focus on the negative, but bravo for you and your husband for making a conscious decision to focus on the positive. I especially appreciate libbyquilter's comment, and what a great idea to talk about what "stuck" during the day. I'm going to take both of your ideas to heart. Thanks!


Grandma K said...

What a great goal. I have become much more aware of negative ideas and thoughts. I do try to become more positive, but so many times it is way too easy to slip back into old habits.

I wish you both luck. We all need to work on this!

Marti said...

That is interesting. I've always wondered why I remember more of the bad times in my life than the good ones. And yet, I know people who seem to remember more of the good. My daughter is like that, at least she mentions more of the good times. That is a good idea to ask about the things of the day. I think I'll make a practice of that too. Thanks!

Jan said...

I completely agree that it's really easy to slip into a very negative cycle. At one stage - in December - Mark taxed me a tub of ice-cream for every full-on rant I had about work. It didn't do his waist line much good but it made us laugh about a difficult situation!!!! Jx

Marti said...

I hope this works like habit training and we both retain it.

Marti said...

LOL I love that. My hubby would like that tax too as he is an ice cream fiend.

Kate said...

I'm positive and supportive of others, but can be really hard on myself. Definitely food for thought.