Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Caring For Your New Pet Armadillo

Congratulations on the arrival of your new pet armadillo. Here is a guide to help you give your amadillo a long and happy life.

A Safe and Comfortable Sleeping Space
Your amadillo will sleep all day and well into the evening, awakening in the night to eat and frolic in your yard. They value their solitude and prefer to be alone in the yard. This makes them a highly sought after pet by paranoid agoraphobic insomniacs who are up all night peering anxiously out their windows.
The approved living quarters of armadillos are dark, shady places near the ground. You should build a deck, or maybe two, so your armadillo can change from one location to the other when he gets bored. You should plant some soft, leafy plants around the deck, preferably something exotic and expensive. You don't have to leave a space for the armadillo to get under the deck, he would rather select his own entrance and his wonderfully, sharp claws will make short work of any pesky plants in his way.

Your armadillo prefers a gourmet diet of his own choosing. To help him, you must plant species that are extremely hard to find and usually fairly expensive. Bonus points if you have to drive over an hour to buy these plants. Your armadillo will show his appreciation in late summer, after you have spent hours every week sweating in the heat to water these plants, and cover them when the intense rays of the sun would burn them. Be sure to continue watering these plants through the heat as it makes the ground softer and easier for your armadillo to dig. Don't worry about the plant bulbs scattered on top of the ground or the plants lying brown and shriveled in the morning. They didn't hurt your armadillo.

Play Time
Mulch your flower beds with a smooth layer of mulch, either pine or cypress. Your armadillo will enjoy digging in the mulch, uncovering your drip irrigation and making fun piles in other places. These piles are called mulch castles. The next morning, you can smooth it out again so he can have more fun when night falls.

Your armadillo will instinctively know when it is time to find a mate, and with any luck, the mate will come join your armadillo at your house. Soon they will have a litter of three to five pups. You'll know when that happens by the increased number of mulch castles and signs of digging for their delicacies. At this point, you need to make another hundred mile trip to buy more expensive plants. After all, the money and plants are inconsequential; it's all about keeping your armadillo happy isn't it?

I hope this little guide helps you create an enjoyable habitat for your new pet. If, after reading this, you want to adopt an armadillo of your very own even if you aren't a paranoid agoraphobic insomniac, I could be persuaded to part with one. Or two. Possibly five or six. I'd really hate to split up a family.


Tired Teacher said...

Oh dear, I'd say your deck appears to be a wonderful habitat for your new "pet."

Grandma K said...

That is just too funny, but I am sorry you have thi new pet to add to your chores (and tear up the plants).

MartiDIY said...

Yes, I'm afraid it is, for all of them. I would have shown the hard-to-find-natives I have been tending all summer, but they were completely destroyed by my little dears.

MartiDIY said...

Thanks. I'm sorry I have this new pet(s) too. But I'm working on finding them a new home.

Tonia Conner said...

Hey Marti, do you pay the shipping too? I try to start my day with in a good attitude,
so I visit you first. I have my first chuckle and then know I have something to be thankful
for right off the batt.

MartiDIY said...

Aw, that is so nice to hear.

Yes, if I can catch any of these, I would gladly pay shipping. In fact, I'm ready to pay a professional to come trap them. I've heard they are hard to trap and I'm finding that is true.

Kate said...

At least you can maintain a sense of humor. I hope you've found a wonderful new home for your armadillo family.

Loretta said...

OMGosh...thank you for the great laugh today!!!
We have groundhogs...which have eaten more garden produce that we have this year. :(

MartiDIY said...

Glad to help. lol

I think I'd take armadillos over groundhogs or moles. At least the armadillos will move on eventually.

MartiDIY said...

Thanks. It's either laugh or cry sometimes.

I've got the perfect place picked out for them, if only I can catch them.