August 25, 2011

It Rained, Kind Of.

Last night strong winds blew through, tossing deck chairs into the yard and ripping a few shingles off the roof, and dropping the temperature from 104 to 90 in minutes. It thundered for awhile, and finally rain began to fall. It was an anemic rain that only lasted a few minutes and didn't manage to get the sidewalk completely wet, but it gives me hope that one day we will get some real rain. The last rain that did the plants any good was at the end of May.


August 16, 2011

A Little Southern Ingenuity

aka Redneck Engineering

So Hubby was working on the laundry room cabinet, and forgot to plug the washer drain. Yep, a nut fell and dropped right into the drain. When the little grabber thingy failed to bring it up, he either had to get creative or tear out the drywall to get to the drain pipe. He taped some rubber tubing onto the end of the shop vac hose, threaded it down the drain pipe, and turned on the vac. VoilĂ ! Or maybe that should be Yeehaw! It worked. Drywall saved.


August 11, 2011

I Can't Believe My Ears

Alan Greenspan said what??? "The United States can pay any debt it has because we can always print money to do that. So there is zero probability of default"

Can you imagine walking into Office Depot to buy something, but only having a dollar in your wallet, and then saying to the clerk: Let me just go over to the copier and make a few hundred copies of this dollar so I can buy this whatzit." Do you think you would land on your ear or your rear when they threw you out of the store?

Granted, it's been awhile since I took an economics class, and I probably wasn't paying attention at the time either, but wouldn't that devalue the dollar?


Heard on the radio today: "The record (of 100+ degree days) breaking streak is in jeopardy." What??? We're in jeopardy?!!! I think the news media has been in the sun too long. I want the streak to be over, but apparently there are some who would like to tough it out a few more days so 2011 can break the 1980 record. Today would have been the 41st day in a row of triple digit heat. The record is 42, and it was predicted that we wouldn't see a high temperature under 100 until at least another week. But alas, there is a line of clouds with some rain coming from the north and the streak has been broken. Cancel the parade and dry your tears meterologists. Better luck next year.


August 05, 2011

What is Happening to This Country?

No, I don’t mean the national debt or China and Russia circling overhead with saliva dripping from their fangs. Mixed metaphors aside, I am talking about something much more serious. I am talking about crime, folks. Crime caused by adults acting like children. It’s a pandemic that is sweeping the nation. Here are some of the new crimes you should be aware of, and how to protect yourself from being charged.

Crime #1: Shoulder tapping

Did you know that it is now a crime to tap someone on the shoulder in a movie theater? Yep, just ask Brenda Godwin because it happened to her. The big 136 pound hairdresser assaulted the diminutive 220 pound former athlete with her insanely strong index finger and caused the poor man to have whiplash so severe that he had to be treated by paramedics. Meanwhile, she was charged with a misdemeanor. You can read about it here and here. Why would she do such a horrendous thing? Because he was texting in front of her and totally ruining the movie she had traveled 1300 miles to experience.

How can you protect yourself from being charged with this crime? The newspaper article said you should find theater personnel and have them deal with the texter. However, that takes five to fifteen minutes out of your popcorn munching, soda slurping, tear wiping, movie experience. And what is the theater personnel going to do to get the attention of someone engrossed in their texting? That’s right, they are going to tap the inconsiderate slob on the shoulder. And while you are gone from your seat, you missed something vitally important in the movie and you won’t have a clue what is going on for the next hour.

So save yourself the time and aggravation, and deal with the situation yourself, totally hands-off. Just lean in the direction of the texter, and whisper this simple phrase to the person next to you: “Are those bed bugs crawling up that guy’s back?”

Crime #2: Wildlife Rescue

Did you know that it is a crime to rescue a wild animal left to die in a trap? Yes again, and you can ask Bonnie Bradshaw who did just that. This overpowering bully so intimidated some apartment managers that they were struck dumb and couldn’t do anything but nod in agreement when she told them she was taking the animal and traps to a rescue center. She was also charged with a misdemeanor. You can read about it here.

What can you do to protect yourself in this situation? Oh sure, you can call SPCA and let them put the animal on their rescue list and hope they get to it in a few days. Or you can stick your bare hand into the cage with a thirst-deranged wild animal, snap a leash onto it, and take it to the SPCA yourself. Or you can save everyone the trouble with these simple questions to the apartment personnel.
“Do you have enough insurance to cover the kids who stick their hands in the cage? And by the way, has everyone here had their rabies shots?”

Crime #3: Growing vegetables

Did you know it’s a crime to grow vegetables in your own front yard? Sad, but true. Just ask Julie Bass who willfully and knowingly planted such with the malicious intent and purpose of going green and eating healthy. This pushy rule breaker had the audacity to call the city to make sure the garden complied with restrictions, and when they told her the code said she could plant “suitable live plant material”, she planted live veggies that indeed suited her space. Then she was charged with a misdemeanor. You can read about that one here. Who turned her in for this crime? Probably the cookie monster, The Burger King, or some other lachanophobiaist.

How can you protect yourself from this crime? Plant marijuana (or have some other illegal activity) in your backyard and I guarantee all the attention will be diverted away from your front yard, no matter what is growing in it. You'll still be charged with a crime, a felony this time, but at least it will be deserved.

Crime #4: Drinking soda at the airport

Did you know it’s a crime to drink soda in front of TSA officials? That and smuggling applesauce was the charge against Nadine Hays. This 58 year old terminator and her 94 year old terminally ill mother wrestled a TSA official to the floor to get the applesauce out of an ice cooler and then beat the official to a pulp with the cooler. This offspring of Ma Barker was also charged with a misdemeanor. You can read about it here. Why did she do it? She claimed the TSA’s own restrictions allowed carry on food for people with special dietary needs and that she notified them in advance, but we all know it was to flaunt real food in front of people who only get to eat peanuts on the flight.

How can you protect yourself from this charge? Oh sure, you can leave the cooler at home and buy food at your destination, but if you insist on taking your own food on the plane, just be ready to go into this act. When the TSA officials see the cooler, make sure mama has a great, big, falling-on-the-floor, writhing fit. And nothing will help except the magic applesauce in the cooler. Have mama practice at home on the bed so the bruises won’t give away the act.

. . .

And what side am I on, you ask? Neither. Both. It doesn’t matter. My intent is just to poke fun at people, at government, and at silly situations. And yes, there was rampant use of literary license in the above stories.

Now let me take my tongue out of my cheek for a moment to ask a few questions and make my last comments.

What is happening to people that we need to have an intermediary for every encounter between another person? Why can’t we work things out person to person without involving the police or suing each other? Something is rotten in the state of America, dear Marcellus, and it is us. And perhaps that IS why our economy is in crisis, and why China and Russia are lying in wait.

I dare you, no, I double dog dare you to do something. The next time someone annoys you about something, grit your teeth, smile, and tell them it’s okay. Then wish them well, and go on your way. Now I’m not talking about being rear-ended on the freeway, I’m talking about about someone who brings their shrieking kids to the restaurant (my personal peeve), or someone who slows down the line ahead of you by digging through their pockets, someone who blocks the whole aisle at the grocery store, or something equally harmless but annoying.

Have a good day my friends.


August 02, 2011

I Made Another Ottoman

I originally planned to make two ottomans, one to hide the Roomba, and one for storage. Then I forgot what I planned to put in the storage ottoman. Still, the storage will come in handy, so I went ahead and made it. I did have to buy a sheet of plywood for this one too. I thought I knew how I wanted to build it, but checked Ana White's website, and saw that her plan was a little easier, so went with it.

I did make a few changes though to make it work for me.

I used plywood instead of 1x12's for the sides because I wanted mine to be a total of 21 inches tall.

I also nailed a smaller piece of plywood onto the inside of the lid both to give it extra strength and to keep it in place.

I put stick-on sliders on the bottom instead of legs because I didn't want to worry about cleaning under it, and wanted to make it easier to slide across the carpet.

I sanded the box, but didn't put any paint or sealer on it since I was going to be upholstering most of it anyway. I just put the good side of the plywood to the inside. I also just stapled the skirt onto the inside of the box. I would have wrapped the cloth around the cardboard edge, but I didn't have enough fabric, so just stapled the cardboard band on top to keep it in place. I did the same with the lid since this probably won't get much use. However, if I were making it for a child, I would have wrapped the band and upholstered the underside of the lid also.

I also did the "cording" with batting again, partly because I still don't have any cording, and partly to match the other ottoman. The next time I recover it, I'll definitely buy some cording, or leave it off altogether. I'll also use 3 inch foam next time too, but all I had was 2 inch, so that's what I used. Like I said, these won't get much use, they are mainly to throw the bedspread and pillows on at night, and to keep the Roomba out of sight.

This is where I'd really like to put the ottomans, but you can see there just isn't enough room between the bed and the dresser, and there isn't another place to put the dresser. So for now, I'll put one on each side of the dresser.